Reports from The Resistance Journal Entry #330
TL;DR: The company launched another “single source of truth.” Now there are six of them, none agreed upon, and leadership still isn’t using any of them.
ATLANTA, GA — Declaring the first five attempts “learning experiences that technically counted as success,” corporate leadership today unveiled its boldest transformation yet: a sixth collaboration platform designed to finally replace the five tools employees actively use and deeply resent.
The new solution, described by the CIO as “an intuitive single source of truth,” will sit proudly alongside the company’s current ecosystem of Slack, Teams, SharePoint, email, ServiceNow, Confluence, and a shared Google Doc named FINAL_v17_REALLY_FINAL_THIS_TIME.
“This one’s different,” said EVP of Digital Synergy Paula Rentsch, gesturing at a slide deck titled Reinventing the Way We Communicate (Again). “We’ve learned from the past. This tool doesn’t just centralize communication. It reimagines collaboration.”
The company has already announced the new platform will be:
- Mandatory for all staff
- Optional for leadership
- Ignored by IT
- Replaced within 18 months
The Single Source of Truth (Now Available In Six Convenient Versions)
Employees were assured the platform would become “the definitive hub for knowledge, decisions, project tracking, and tribal lore,” while also being told to continue checking email “just in case,” Teams “for leadership updates,” Slack “for real work,” and SharePoint “if you enjoy scavenger hunts.”
Meanwhile, an internal task force has been assembled to create a formal Collaboration Usage Guide spanning 94 pages and three live trainings to explain:
- Where decisions should be recorded
- Where they actually will be recorded
- And where no one will ever look
“We’re finally eliminating silos,” said Director of Strategic Enablement Marcus Feld, before uploading the same file into four different systems “for accessibility.”
Leadership Models Adoption By Remaining Entirely Untouched By It
Within hours of launch, executives praised the platform’s intuitive design while continuing to send calendar invites via Outlook, executive announcements via email, and urgent updates via text message.
“I absolutely love the new tool,” said one SVP. “I haven’t logged into it yet, but from the screenshots, it really feels like the future.”
When asked if leaders would be required to use the system, the CIO clarified that adoption expectations would be handled “asymmetrically.”
“We don’t want to disrupt leadership workflows,” he explained. “Change is really more of a frontline opportunity.”
Employees Report Early Signs Of System Shock
By mid-afternoon, employees confirmed the organization had successfully entered Phase Two of tool adoption: Silent Rebellion.
Symptoms included:
- Copying messages between systems manually
- Maintaining personal “shadow kanbans”
- Creating side channels called “real work”
- Referring to the new platform as “the archive no one reads”
One project manager reported spending the entire morning answering the same question in three different tools.
“I’m not sure which version is real,” she said. “But I know one of them will be wrong.”
Internal Memo Confirms New Tool Will Save Time, Once Employees Stop Using All Others
Leadership reassured employees that productivity gains would soon follow, just as they did with the previous platforms which:
- Were supposed to eliminate email
- Did not eliminate email
- Instead created three new kinds of email
A follow-up communication reminded staff:
“True collaboration requires commitment. If you’re struggling, please attend Change Champions Office Hours, hosted on the old system you still secretly trust.”
Company Optimistic Despite History Suggesting Otherwise
At press time, employees were seen bookmarking the new platform, ranking it among the others, and quietly placing bets on:
- When it would be renamed
- When it would be quietly abandoned
- And which shiny object would replace it
“We’re not anti-change,” said Senior Business Analyst Jenna Roth. “We’re just tired of pretending this one will be the last.”
Correction:
This article mistakenly implied the organization knows where its documents are. It does not.
ChangeGuild: Power to the Practitioner™
Frequently Asked Questions
What is this article really about?
This article uses satire to highlight a very real problem: organizations rolling out new coordination tools without reducing complexity, clarifying usage norms, or modeling adoption from leadership.
Why do companies struggle with collaboration tools?
Because most tool decisions are made as IT or cost exercises rather than workflows, behavior change, and governance conversations.
Buying software is easier than changing habits.
Is this article criticizing specific platforms like Teams, Slack, or SharePoint?
No. The problem is not the tools.
The problem is implementing them without a strategy for:
- Usage agreements
- Behavior change
- Leadership modeling
- Decommissioning old systems
How many collaboration tools is too many?
There’s no universal number, but if employees can’t quickly answer:
- Where decisions live
- Where work lives
- Where truth lives
…then you already have too many.
What should companies do instead of adding another tool?
Before introducing anything new, organizations should:
- Audit existing systems
- Define ownership and governance
- Establish clear “use cases by tool”
- Decommission redundant platforms
- Require leaders to model the change first
Is this just a humor piece?
No. It’s satire built on patterns change practitioners see every day across enterprise transformation programs.
The jokes exist to make the dysfunction easier to finally talk about.
Who is this article for?
Anyone who has:
- Lost a file
- Answered the same question in three tools
- Been told “this one’s different”
- Been blamed for not using a system no one explained
Do collaboration tools really hurt productivity?
Not inherently.
But unmanaged tool sprawl does:
- Increases cognitive load
- Fractures information
- Encourages shadow systems
- Erodes trust in “official” channels
What is the takeaway for leaders?
Buying collaboration software is not digital transformation.
Deciding how work actually flows through your organization is.
If this gave you language for the chaos, throw a little fuel on the ChangeGuild fire.
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